Well, today DH informed me that I will need to do my own PIO shots because he is starting these words afternoon shifts (they suck), and so I figured, may as well start tonight. I did it. It was actually much easier than I thought it would be. I'm so proud of myself.
My transfer is Monday, I'm excited. Tho the way the nurse said my next appointment is Monday freaked me out. I really hope all is well. I'll update after transfer when I know the full stats.
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Today I had my retrieval, I'm really hurting right now. I have to check back to see how I felt last time, but this time I'm really sore. And gassy. I have to call tomorrow to confirm a three day transfer. I'll update when I know more. I won't know the counts until transfer day.
I'm calling today a day of rest since I triggered last night and don't take any shots.
My retrieval is tomorrow morning bright and early. I'm not sure if it's because this is our third time at this, or what, but I feel really jaded towards this. Like not apathetic, but just like numb? Surrendered? I don't know. But something along those lines. I know I felt like this last time too, but maybe less so? 🤷♀️ I forgot a lot of times to take meds, or almost forgot. It was pretty bad. I know this time, DH wants me to learn to give myself the PIO - which btw terrifies me. That needle scares the 💩 out of me. So, I'll try during the few days leading up to transfer. I'll update on that one for sure 😂 I just want this to be done - in the sense that I want to be holding my baby already. I want to be out of the first trimester and at the point where I can shout off the rooftops that we are FINALLY pregnant with a healthy baby/babies. I want my body to cooperate. Symptoms:
Hoping and praying 🙏🙏🙏 🤞🤞🤞 🌈🌈🌈 Went to the doc this am, retrieval is set for Friday, and transfer for Monday!! So 3 day transfer! I'm glad to try this. I feel like there's a lot more success with 3dt at this clinic.
I have to take 2 vials of merional today and the cetrotide. Tomorrow, cetrotide and pregnyl trigger at 10 pm. Almost there. Symptoms:
And that's all y'all! Praying this gives us sticky beans!! 🙏🙏🙏🙏 I know I said I wasn't going to update until Tuesday, but... I totally didn't realize that cetrotide was not mixed already!! Imagine my surprise when I had to mix that up this morning! It is also not at all painful like the ganirelix. Mind blown.
Anyway, I was checking back at my older posts, I noticed I used to give symptoms on how I was feeling, so here we go:
I'm still really surprised my right ovary only had one follicle on it, normally, it has more than the left. Not sure if I should be concerned about the health of that ovary or not. I know I felt like I had a progesterone cyst on it the past cycle, so maybe that had something to do with it? 🤷♀️ OK, next update will occur when I go back to the doc, I may post a pic of all the mixing I need to do tomorrow - there's a lot; both the cetrotide and the merional need to be mixed! I feel like a pro now 😂 Today was my check up, I have 6 follicles, so he's anticipating 6 eggs, maybe 7. He's thinking my retrieval will be Thursday, maybe Friday.
My follicles looked much bigger this time around over last, I am a bit miffed over having 1-3 less than usual, but I am reminding myself quality over quantity. It just takes 1 good egg. In any event, I'll be on certocide this time over ganirelix, and I will be doing only one day of merional. I go back Tuesday morning for my next check. I will update then. Just hoping and praying this gets us our take home babies. 🙏🙏🙏🙏 🤞🤞🤞🤞 You know, I'm starting to just feel defeated by this cycle. I feel like the world is just working against me. Last night, I was disposing of my needle from the morning. I was trying to maneuver around my dog, and somehow the new vial rolled out of the case, onto tile floor tile floor: 1 | puregon: 0. I had to figure out wtf I was supposed to do. I texted my doc, in the interim, I went to the pharmacy and the pharmacist told me to dispose and get a new one, my friend, who's a nurse and my doc both said it's fine. Doc said to draw it all up into 1 syringe and do it that way. So that's what I'm doing.
I swear, it's like shit just keeps going wrong. DH is driving me crazy, I feel completely unsupported and judged by him lately. I'm actually at the point, that I just want to quit this cycle and better luck next time. I've lost most faith that this can even work right now. I'm starting to feel like I'm under a constant level of stress at home and work. I keep telling DH that I need my home life to be really peaceful and stress free right now, I need to feel supported right now, I need to feel like I'm in a safe space right now, I need to actually get proper amounts of sleep right now - all falls on deaf ears. I'm starting to wonder if struggles and miscarriages were God's way of saying, y'all aren't meant to be together, now just quit before a kid is involved. I'm really beginning to question things greatly, I'm finding myself just wanting to be alone more often than not as of late. And the harsh reality - I have no one to talk to. At all. Literally. No one gets it, I'm 2000 miles away from old friends and family. I have no one. Not that I don't have new friends, but not people that I feel comfortable really letting in. Plus, they don't get it. I'm having a very hard time and I just need to get away from everything right now. I really hope it's just the medication messing with me, but I'm starting to think it's the medication being a catalyst to cast light on different situations. So, yesterday really sucked at work. For multiple reasons.
To begin, we're prepping for ACT, which is a mess. The kids don't want to do it, we don't want to do it, so it's just a crappy situation. For them is 9 hours (yes 9) of test prep - that sucks for them. In any event, my students were so bad. They wouldn't stay on task, they wouldn't stop flipping talking - it just all around sucked. Then, I had to use the restroom, due to being on AF, I will use the faculty one - I've been using the student one for months bc the faculty restroom has been utterly disgusting - I've seen cleaner ones in Penn station and on the subway and SI Ferry stations. Since August I've been complaining about the state of the restroom. Let me give some back story: last year we had a male and female restroom and the female one was always spotless and clean - we took good care of it. This year, they wanted a new storage closet and made the female one a unisex bathroom. Needless to say, it is utterly disgusting. In any event, I go to use the restroom during my last class because I need to change my pad, I walk in hoping it will not be gross, only to find piss and shit all over the seat - the actual seat, not the rim under the seat - WTF?!?!?! This is not the first time, I've complained so much, I send pics and video of this stuff constantly - I've stopped bc the answer is: "we'll send someone to clean", that isn't the point. Tell these disgusting men they need to clean up after themselves. As I'm cleaning this with my cleaner stash (yup, it's that consistent of a problem, I have cleaning supplies hidden in the restroom), I just cry. I go back to my class, as I'm walking back, I just keep thinking about how maybe this isn't the time to do IVF, maybe I should just wait - even tho I know I can't - till the summer. I cannot do this daily at work. After our meetings after school, I go home, I tell DH that I cannot do this. It is just too much stress from shit that shouldn't even be occurring. All I'm worried about is fucking up my eggs and causing a toxic environment that an embryo won't want to be in. There is no worse feeling than feeling like the cycle failed before it started. I've decided to take a full week after transfer, I feel it's best. I wasn't going to, but this just solidified that for me. Last night, I decided to make sure I'm incorporating a lot of mind body stuff this cycle, bc this is probably my best defense for this shit (literally). I'm trying to find my good place today, I'm going to try to not let this stuff bother me - it is easier said than done, but I have to try. I hope that despite all this, the cycle works. If not, I may consider FMLA, bc that means my job is a stressor - it doesn't feel like it overall, but this little shit, this is what causes me to be agitated. Sorry for the rant, but I needed to get this out. My doctor wasn't here today so I couldn't ask him any questions about maybe doing heparin. Oh well c'est la vie.
I'm currently waiting for them to obtain the puregon pens, I'll be taking the puregon 200iu, and meticorten (prednisone) 5mg 2x a day. So basically, the same stim meds. Once I get the pen, gotta stop off at the pharmacy and head to work. I'll need to take my shot on the side of the road somewhere... I've done it before. Oh IVF. It is officially about to be time to scale back on my work outs and lower intensity. I do plan to continue with exercise, as I'm a firm believer that that had a huge impact on the success last time around. Getting super stoked and excited 😬😬😬😬😬 |
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November 2019
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