Today is insemination day. I kind of feel positive about this, but who knows.
I am super tired this morning. Not really sure why, but I did go to bed on the later side last night. After work, I went for what was supposed to be a 2 mile run that morphed into a 4 mile run. It felt amazing. I actually burned 1002 calories yesterday according to Apple watch. Of course not all of it from the run. I ran the first 3 miles in 28 minutes flat. I was happy with that result, especially since I had one long stretch with intense wind resistance. Then I stopped to talk to my neighbors and before I knew it, it was after 9. Consequently, bed time was around 10:30/11:00. Late. I took the Valium last night like the Doctor said, but it has worn off at this point. So I'll likely take it when DH gives his sample. I took a bunch of work to grade while I'm waiting there today, so I can at least be productive. I'll start the prednisone and lovenox tonight as well. Busy busy busy busy. That's all for now folks.
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I triggered last night. By myself. Terrifying. I did PIO on my own, but this was very difficult for whatever reason. Maybe because I was flat out exhausted (trigger time is about 2 hours past my bed time).
Tomorrow is our second IUI, kind of excited, kind of scared. I just want all this to work. I need to make sure I'm getting... Omg I forgot what I was going to write. My mind has been completely shot. Clearly. I'm nervous for this whole cycle, but I want to be super positive. I know I have 2 good attempts at being successful: the iui and the transfer. I also have zero clue what embryos he's planning to transfer - there are two sets and I forgot to ask. I was completely caught off guard with the fact that we could do the iui that I forgot. I also forgot to ask to ensure assisted hatching was done (noticing a trend lately 🤣🤣) Teacher brain is a real thing, but this doesn't normally hit until like Oct/Nov.. It's only August 😳. I'll need to remember to ask that tomorrow, while my legs are in the stirrups. I also gotta get pineapple and pomagranate juice. 🤞🤞 🙏🙏 Here is the update from my check:
And that's all folks. Hoping for a miracle. I jokingly said to DH that the only way we'd know if the iui took is if we had triplets at our first scan 😂 This morning I go in for my check for this transfer. I read the doc won't be in till 10, but I can't wait around all day, so I guess I'll see the nurse.
I had a shitty weekend. Shitty feelings, shitty everything. I'm so sick of watching other people fall pregnant easily and never experience infertility or mc. Not that I wish it on people, but like wtf. It's just not fair. I had to experience both and then go on to have zero success to this point. In fact, I don't even WANT to transfer, because I can't handle another failure. It's bad. Like I want to call it off because the idea of failing again completely guts me. I don't know what the answer is. I've had two back to back cancelled FETs, so I fear this being cancelled again. I've also had zero success in over a year since my mc. I never in a million years thought I would not have success in over a year after the mc. I truly frigging believed that it would happen quickly; that we'd conceive our rainbow baby quickly. Why am I at the over a year mark and have NOTHING to show for it besides crippling depression and broken dreams? Why?! How?!?!! 3 transfers of 7 embryos and not a damn thing. All I want is to have children. That is all I've ever wanted. I feel so broken and just overall like a failure. I'll update with the next steps. There isn't much to report. I took 2 of my 4 merional doses, I got 2 nasty blisters on my heels from running, and that's really it. I've been at such a level of exhaustion the last two days, I've managed to sleep through alarms. Just tired.
I started taking my vitamins again, I have been cognizant of what I'm eating, but not so strict that I limit severely, and that seems to be good. I've been doing more of a calorie count approach and avoiding most sugar. Since I've been craving sweet so much, I got some dark chocolate to much on after eating. I try to get between 1700-2000 calories a day. Some days I'm not hungry. I also try to keep it in 8 hours. I need variety. I haven't had wine in a couple weeks. I guess that's really all. I go back Monday to the doctor. I didn't see the doctor completely on Monday, so who knows. Nurse did the initial and I waited to see the doctor. Today is baseline for my 5th FET, and 9th transfer attempt; if we actually get to transfer, it'll be our 7th transfer. Hoping number 7 is lucky.
I woke up today about 30 minutes before I needed to due to severe AF cramps. If I didn't have work, I'd take a Tylenol number three and be on with my life; however, because I have work, I had to take two excedrin extra strength and hope for the best. One hour later, not even a minor dent has been put in the pain. Today is so far going to really really suck. I'm hoping we get to see the Doctor today to find out if we are going to try the PRP this cycle or not. I don't really feel like waiting 8 days to find that out. Plus, I feel like the only cycle that worked, we only saw the Doctor. So I feel like that's our positive omen 😂. In any event, I'll update all that info after I get out of the doctor's office this morning. Baseline Check: Everything looks good. Go back next Monday to check again. I do every other day merional 75ui. We're not going to do the PRP this cycle, he wants to research it more, but thinks it is promising. I just want this to work! I'm 11 dpo today.
I've been feeling like just weird overall. Like super nauseous, exhausted, weird muscular based pain in lower abdomen/uterine area. Of course since I can't really place what I feel, I did take an HPT, negative as expected because I did just have a scratch done at 6 dpo. So idk what's causing me to feel this way. The tired, I can write off to start of school year, nausea no idea, abdomen pain maybe - big maybe - from focusing on those muscles more? Like I have no idea. I feel fatigued. I'm looking forward to sleeping in on Saturday morning. My class vibes are awesome so far. I really like the energy I'm getting right now - it's only the first week - but I'll take it. Also noticing my size 8s are getting loose (yay! 🎉), despite that I've been really bad on following my diet. Idk what it is, but like I'm craving sweet hardcore. Probably because I'm fatigued and because AF is due Monday tossed with, my stomach has been a mess. I am looking forward to transferring. I just realized that this is my first fet that I had a scratch done prior. So hoping that works. Also hoping my doctor agrees to trying the platelet rich plasma prior to transfer. I just want this to work and the baby - or babies - to stick. I just want success here. We want children. This is getting really difficult to keep going through. It has to happen - that's nonnegotiable. I guess time will tell. T minus 4 days to AF. One day post hysteroscopy.
Hysteroscopy:
OK, the pain after was NOT cramping, the pain after I didn't experience until I was on the way home and then after. It was this horrible vaginal canal pain. 😱 I cannot begin to describe how bad it was. I was crying and strongly considering going to the ER because I did not feel I had anything strong enough to dull the pain (felt like a job for morphine). I texted my doctor (which I really didn't want to because this poor guy doesn't get a break), and waited to hear back from him. In the interim, I found my Tylenol #3 that I had for severe stomach pain a couple years back and took 1. I hear back from my doctor and he says take double doses of Tylenol or Advil, so I decide to take a second Tylenol #3. About 30 minutes later I finally start to feel better. DH and I think that since I've been working out and working my lower stomach, that it was maybe a muscular pain and that's why it felt so severe. I feel fine now, aside from itchy. Which I felt super itchy last time too. While there, we talked about the upcoming cycle. We are going to try injectables only. Reason being, letrazole = hair falling out, Clomid = severe mood swings and cysts. Last time I was on Clomid while working I had an emotional breakdown in front of kids and balled in my principal's office (who absolutely despised me and probably got off on it). I don't want to go there again. I also shared with him this study that seems to be promising in helping implantation - since that's our issue. He's going to look into it and we'll discuss it when we go back. We go in on CD 2. I am really hoping this works. I can't handle more failure. I feel like one of these is going to. So hopefully it does. I am 5 dpo today, I also have my hysteroscopy tomorrow.
I've been noticing that I'm exhausted on an almost daily basis. Granted I'm getting to bed a little late, and my hubs has been working opposite me, but I'm still tired. Still adjusting to working again. I am a tad nervous about tomorrow. You kind of hope they find something and nothing at the same time. I just want the next cycle to work already. I'm sick of not being successful. I am hoping that going back to acupuncture is helping and that continuing on diet and weight loss and exercise will also be of use in this process. I haven't been making good food choices. I've been eating ice cream for dinner, but at the same time, I am trying to make smart choices during the day with the options I have (they feed you during training sometimes). If that makes any sense. I have also started to try to get runs in at night. Two nights ago I even went for a run at 8:30pm. I just can't stand having gained the weight and the fact I'm eating crappy. My hope really is that I can get on track and lose more before next transfer. I'm still slightly afraid to step on the scale, hoping I can change that next weekend. I know once I get into a routine I'll be fine. Right now, and when my parents were here, that was nonexistent. I've also been circulating my Denise Austin Shrink Your Female Fat Zones in to help work my core a bit more. I know it has completely flattened my tummy in the past, hoping for the same success again. Well, that's all for now. Hoping all goes as planned from here on out. Hoping we get a miracle or two. I realize my CD 11 post yesterday was really brief and lacked any updates.
That being said, at my last acupuncture appointment, my acupuncturist told me that the treatment has worked as I bled a bit after the needles were removed - I was really happy to hear this because I'm hoping that this changes everything - more specifically: our luck on the next cycle. She also told me I need to stay away from ice cream. This is a huge bummer because it's ridiculously hot AND I just got an ice cream maker, and truth be told homemade is better than anything else. However, I will adhere to this. I've been craving sweet like crazy - more specifically, chocolate. Why? I don't know. I need to really get everything in order diet wise again. I also need to get my school things in order. I know my decorating plans, just need to get it together. I also need to adjust the first couple weeks lesson plans. I've also been trying to get into the damn system to see my rosters. I want to know what kids - if any - were allowed to fail. I'm really curious as to what my hysteroscopy next weekend will show. Hoping this along with scratch will make this work. I am hopeful. I really do believe one of these embryos is a good one and we'll be taking it home. I just really hope it works. We're ready to have a family - we've been ready. |
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November 2019
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