I had acupuncture yesterday, I also have been going off the rails hardcore on my diet. Today that changes.
I plan to bake my sweet stuff that doesn't have sugar in it, and overhaul my diet. I haven't been eating healthy for a couple reasons. One of them not having food really available. So I'm going to be doing a big cooking/baking day today. After about 2 weeks of eating shitty, I feel extremely shitty and I'm going back to my 16/8 and Paleo diet. I have about 2 weeks until my hysteroscopy and scratch. I'm looking forward to it. It's been nice to not have to take pills every day. I'm going to just enjoy this time off from treatment.
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Today is CD 2. I woke up to AF yesterday morning. This has been a very crampy AF; in fact, excedrin and tramadol didn't put a dent in the pain this time. Not quite sure what that's about.
Today I'm going into the doctor to find out what he thinks our next steps should be. I'll update after I see him. I'm also going back to acupuncture this cycle as well. Not really for fertility, but for stress reduction and emotional control. UPDATE: We're going to do a hysteroscopy and scratch this cycle. Next cycle I will do injectables only, no letrazole. I asked my doctor if we should move on from this and he said no. He really seems to believe we will have success and it's just a matter of time. My doctor kept telling me not to give up. I'm 13dpo ; 12dpiui. BFN. Again. Again. Again. Again.
I decided to just stop the progesterone and just let AF come. I hate having back to back failed cycles. Ugh. I don't even know anymore. I think I need a break from this shit. I'll hold off on updating until I get AF and get into the doctor to figure out what's going to happen next. I'm planning on acupuncture. I think more for stress and emotional relief though. We'll see. 12dpo ; 11dpiui = BFN. Again. As always. I wanted to surprise DH today with a BFP. But of course that didn't happen. I've decided to not test until Wednesday morning which is 15 dpo, and when AF is due.
Yesterday I had a breakdown. I threw away all the baby stuff I brought, I packed away all religious articles, I ripped up prayer cards - I lost it. I don't get how in a year I haven't had one pregnancy. I really don't. And I feel so incredibly disheartened. Once I got my head on straight, I started looking forward. I decided it's probably best to ask the doctor to do another hysteroscopy to check for scar tissue from the DNC, and do a scratch while he's in there. So that's a month off. I also feel I should ask about low doses of injectables for the next FET attempt. When AF comes, we'll head out and ask these questions. We also thought about asking if he does sperm DNA fragmentation testing. I also thought to ask if I needed a higher dose of the prednisone. So there's a few things to talk about. I'm really annoyed, but I know this should be done. We also decided to start looking into, and starting, the process for adoption. It is a lengthy process that can take up to a year or two. We also decided on how to redo our kitchen and different paint colors. Not sure if I'll update before I go back. We'll see. 11dpo and 10dpiui. BFN. Again. Not even the hint of a squinter line.
I know I shouldn't be surprised, but I was holding hope. Stupidly. I really am starting to question whether we'll ever get pregnant again. Hell, yesterday I spotted a little, at one point I thought I was going to end up with AF early. Last time I did the letrazole, AF came 11dpo and freaked me out. The spotting has stopped. For now. I have had horrible cramping nonstop for the last 3 days. I have zero idea as to why. Of course I'm worried about fluid in my uterus again. Idk. I guess we'll see what happens. I am going to start planning my questions for my doctor, and see what will happen next. Like I've said before, I can't transfer next month, so I'd like to at least try an iui so we actually have a chance at becoming pregnant. But I'm not sure if he'll want to do another scratch instead. We'll find out soon I suppose. 10dpo and 9dpiui = BFN on both FRER and wondfo.
Truth be told: 1. I'm not surprised - I think the iui occurred a little too late and 2. I really haven't felt much aside from a shit ton of cramping over the last two days. And headaches. I forgot about those - they come and go. Let's discuss the cramping. Omg. That's all I can say. This shit is actually going down my thighs. It's horrible. I have never experienced this before. Additionally, I woke up with that kicked in the stomach bit this morning - or I think I did. Idk. I just know the cramps are intense and shoot down my thighs. It isn't from working out because my weights are really low for me. Last night it felt like I pulled something around my one ovary when I rolled to my one side. So I guess I'll hold a little hope for the next 2-3 days. 12dpo is really my cut off for when I say this shit didn't work. 10dpo is - in theory and hope land - a little early. 12dpo is DH birthday, I would love to tell him it worked on that day, but I can't keep my hopes that high. This year has been extremely difficult. Last year, he was excited because we just found out a few weeks earlier that we were going to be parents. On some weird level, part of me feels this worked; however, after all the loss and failure over almost 5 years, I've learned to not be overly hopeful. On a side note somewhat unrelated, I keep seeing unicorns. Like everywhere. It's crazy. And swallows!! I have never seen a swallow before and I seen 2 over the last few days. I know they are good signs, but not sure if it's for this, or our next transfer. At least the next transfer, my stress levels won't be insane. I don't think this school year will be all that stressful. I feel I did a good job setting the foundation last year. Time will tell. Today is 8dpiui and 9dpo.
So, I forgot to test this morning. I was planning to, but forgot because I woke up with a super full bladder at 5 am. I'm also slightly chicken. I know the odds are really stacked against me, but still, there's a little smidgen of hope hiding in there and I don't want to kill it completely. As far as symptom spotting, I don't feel Jack. I mean cramping yes, and I've been tired, but honestly, that could just be from lack of sleep. My boobs don't hurt at all. Which I figured they would if I was, so of course I feel a tad defeated. I also don't feel like I got kicked in the stomach every morning, which also makes me feel defeated. No weird smelling urine. Nada. Oh well, I guess I need to start prepping for when I go on CD 2. In other news, I am officially a member of UNICO National! This is an Italian American organization, and I am so happy to finally be a part of this. OK, I will try to definitely test tomorrow morning. I just hope that this worked - even though I know it's a slim shot, I really hope it did. 🤞 🙏 🦄 8dpo and 7dpiui.
I don't feel much. I have finally started having a little cramping here and there - but it could totally be my really screwed up digestive system. I started taking enzymes and have found them to be particularly helpful. Last night, I did notice my urine started to smell really odd - like asparagus odd, but I haven't eaten asparagus in art least a month or so. Unless it's the progesterone tablets, or my vitamins. Who knows. I'm still trying to remain super neutral with this, because I know the chances are really slim. I'll start testing tomorrow morning - why? Because I'm a glutton for punishment. Plus, as I've said before, if there's any chance whatsoever that this ended up a chemical, I want to know so I can bring it up to the doctor. I've been thinking about next steps, and questions to ask my doctor when I go in next. I want to ask about an injectable only iui, because I noticed that letrazole caused my hair to fall out. Last natural FET attempt, my hair started falling out for months following - it scared the 💩 out of me; then, I did my fresh ivf, my hair was super strong again; then I did the letrazole for this cycle and it started coming out in clumps again. So, if he'll let us, I'd really prefer it. Anyway, getting closer to knowing. Here's to hoping. 🤞 🙏 I'm 7dpo and 6dpiui today. So, testing starts in 2 days.
I really don't feel 💩. Like nothing. No cramps, no nausea, nothing. Which signals to me, this likely failed. Last night it felt like someone was driving a hot nail through my cervix, which generally tells me AF is on her way; however, that usually pops up around 11/12dpo, not at 6dpo. So who knows what that was about. I did try some digestive enzymes to take while eating grains/gluten. They helped immensely. I actually felt fine after. So I'll be keeping that up. I've been cheating on my diet, I really need to get back on track, and I'm going to make it my mission to do so starting today/tomorrow. Well, that's all for now. Not really expecting shit this cycle. Sucks. Today is 5dpiui and 6dpo. When I was pregnant, I felt like I got kicked repeatedly in my uterus all night, I don't feel that way this morning. So my hopes are really low right now. I just feel blah.
I've fallen off the wagon with my diet, so I'm going to try to focus on getting back on the wagon. I'm getting frustrated with this cycle being cancelled. I'm also getting frustrated that I can't even do another transfer for 2 cycles due to work. I just keep resenting my job a little more every day. Just one more year and I'm out. I start the progesterone today. It's an oral or vaginal pill, so I'm really trying to decide how I'm going to take it. I don't want to introduce bacteria by going vaginally, so I might just try orally. Truth be told, I really don't think this worked, so I don't even want to take anything. A few more days until I start testing. Almost there. |
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November 2019
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