I am on CD 17, with 4 days until transfer.
I'm of course over thinking everything. Like we're doing an extra day of progesterone, omg I hope it doesn't set us up to fail. We're transferring 7 days past when I would've ovulated - I hope this isn't going to cause implantation failure. I need to remember and remind myself that I have prayed for God to guide the doctors and us in all our choices to ensure success. The progesterone is making me completely ravenous. It's bad. Like really really bad. I just want sweets. Period. I'm getting nervous about it. Like I want it to be transfer day already. Friday, we have our paired reading with a medium. I scheduled it after the first miscarriage to get closure. I'll update about that after the fact. I am very much looking forward to it.
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Today is my first lining check day. If I remember correctly from my last FET, it's also when I find out transfer day. I'm hoping for Saturday, but we shall see.
With fet, it feels like a much slower process. During a fresh cycle, you go in more frequently and it just seems to move faster. However, during FET, it feels like you move at a snails pace because you only go in like two times. I need to remember to ask about assisted hatching, I know we talked about it for fresh, I want to ensure we do it for frozen. From what I've heard, the frozen embryos have a slightly harder time hatching; but, they also are supposedly the stronger ones bc they survive the freezing and thawing process. They're also more likely to be girls based on that study I posted in the previous post. So we shall see. I'll update in a few hours. UPDATE Transfer will be Monday!!! I have 4 more days to lining check! I'm getting excited. I read an interesting article someone posted on the IVF board, here is the link: onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1471-0528.2010.02788.x/full I found this to be a really interesting read, and I've heard that 5 day transfers do favor boys, now there's evidence supporting that theory. It basically favors boys, because they tend to be the better/more advanced looking embryos. So maybe it's meant for us to have a girl? 🤔
I'm curious to see how my lining does, last time I went back sooner and they upped my estradiol, this time I'm going back 3 days later. I wonder if that will have an impact on receptivity. I guess time will tell. Today I up the estradiol to twice a day. I'm noticing that this time, I don't feel as crappy on the estradiol like I did last time. Last time was horrible.
It's so weird having such a long break between appointments, but also a relief. I cannot wait to see if this works this time. I'm hoping and praying it does. I'm hoping that avoiding wheat and dairy also help out. Time will tell. It's official! We're doing an FET!!!
My doctor didn't seem concerned about the miscarriage coming back inconclusive and the CP, so we're on to the FET. I go back on the 25th to check and hopefully get a potential transfer date. I'm so like, not apathetic, but calm about it. Like it's just another day. I was like this with the fresh cycle too this time, so hoping that we get pregnant again, but this time with a sticky baby. Tomorrow my school is celebrating the sixteenth of September, so I know I'm going to cheat on my diet. Definitely excited about it! So, today would be the normal day to go into my RE, but both DH and I had to rearrange everything for the appointment that didn't happen yesterday.
I'm nervous/excited to go back in. I had no idea what the doc's going to want to do. I do plan on telling him that we had another loss - even tho it was just so early at 4 weeks. That in mind, idk if he's going to want to run more tests on us to see if my body is just rejecting/attacking and killing the babies, or just assume bad luck and move forward. When I find out tomorrow, I will update on it. We had two initial courses of action based on the results of the tissue tests, but it came back inconclusive, which basically we didn't have an actual plan for. Luckily, we ruled out any issues with genetics for both DH and I. I never thought we'd experience a miscarriage, let alone two. I'm still OK with the second loss, but at the same time, I'm really just like 'wtf uterus?!', I can't comprehend why my body isn't holding onto the babies. If egg quality was an issue, I'd have nothing making it to day 5, let alone more than half; it makes zero sense to me. We'll see what he has to say tomorrow. I'm so nervous. It needs to be tomorrow already. Apparently, my appointment is cancelled, so I will be trying to see if I can get the damn results in my Hands today anyhow. They didn't even call my cell, which I put call cell only, due to the fact that you know, I actually have a damn job. So I moved my entire week around for nothing and found out at 9pm last night it was cancelled when I checked my house voicemail.
Will update when I know more. UPDATE: All of the tests came back normal, AF also came, so I'll go in CD 3 to my doctor. Tomorrow is too crazy for both DH and I to go in. This morning's test was stark white. So, chemical pregnancy. I'm OK tho. I honestly wouldn't have known if I wasn't on this diet that we were even pregnant. However, I don't understand why my body can't seem to hold onto a baby. I'm debating whether or not to bring this up to my RE when we see him at the end of the week.
In addition, I'm also 100x's more anxious for my doctor's appointment tomorrow now since I have a second loss under my belt. Now I am legitimately worried there's a generic issue, I honestly wasn't before. I'm also left wondering if my new workout routine caused me to miscarry. So, I'm of course, again, blaming myself for this. I knew it was positive, yet, I continued to do moderate to high intensity exercise. I continued to be on this diet knowing it was positive; but at the same time, I would've never known if it wasn't for coming up on a cleanse day. What I can say? For whatever reason, I was supposed to know we got pregnant; it really sucks to lose it, again, less than 2 months after our first baby grew wings, but I guess it's good to know? Who knows. I really thought this was our rainbow, I was cautiously excited - I really thought the hurdle would've been getting past 8 weeks, not 12dpo. It's nice to know we can conceive on our own, but now I really worry about my levels - specifically, progesterone. We're they not high enough? Did I cause the baby issues implanting? Did I do something wrong? Was my lining not good enough? Did my body straight up attack the baby? I'm glad to know we can get pregnant, but I want our baby to make it to our arms and grow with us. Yesterday, because of my diet endeavor having a very minimal Calorie intake, I opted to POAS and it was a very faint BFP on both FRER and Walmart cheapie. I was in shock and of course overjoyed.
Fast forward to this morning, I think the tests look lighter, so I'm guessing it's a CP. Yay we can obviously get pregnant on our own - we weren't really trying all that much bc I honestly needed a break - but beyond upsetting that we are having two losses back to back. I really just want a take home baby. I don't understand why we're being put thru this. Tuesday we go back to the MFM for our blood results, I'm really hoping it just comes back clear. I don't know if I can take another hit right now. AF is due Thursday-ish, so we'll see what happens. I'll probably test again tomorrow and see what happens. I'm really hoping for a miracle 🤞🤞🤞 |
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November 2019
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