OK. I'm 10 dpo, it's CD 19. I am about 5 days out from AF and 6 days from ivf #5. Omg, totally just started thinking of mambo no 5....
So here are some updates:
I haven't gone to acupuncture, I just have been crazy busy and never got to go. I need to schedule that asap. So work. A couple weeks ago, I had my one admin kind of throw in my face that I've been absent for treatment and blamed that for student performance. My immediate supervisor was right there and did not even correct it, I had to correct it. I'm like yo, I legit move and work everything around my cycle. Which means, I change and filter everything to make sure the kids get work time only while I'm out. I legit tailor each absence and class around it. I was like you can get confirmation from my supervisor, and said supervisor remained silent. I was like dude really?! But this all just keeps validating my choice to leave being the correct one. The sucky thing is, I really do like most of my coworkers, so leaving them is difficult, but I am sick of being blamed for things I literally have zero control over. At what point do the kids get blamed for their action, or inaction? We're pushing them to college and they can barely write a sentence going into 12th grade. And the sad part is, that's an improvement. So what does that tell you about where they were when I got them?? My kids that are failing, are failing because they are choosing to not do the work. For fucks sake, they don't even go into spark notes to try to look like they read something. What does that tell you? They expect to magically pass still, and I really don't know why considering I failed like 16 of them last year (spoiler alert, still the same 16 kids). Oh, that's right, they magically passed over the summer. Silly me. In any event, I did have spotting yesterday, and it feels like I am now as well. I am not sure if it's connected to my scratch, or AF coming a little sooner, or both. I also had a lot of cervical pain, so who knows. Until the start of AF 🥂.
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Today is my first day back from break. I really just want to stay in bed all day. I'm tired, I didn't sleep well, and I'm just not in the mood to deal with bullshit.
A few things need to happen today: 1. I make sure I figure out what is going on this week - admin threw a curve ball at us and it throws everything off for me. 2. I need to talk to my immediate admin about changes to my upcoming ivf schedule. This I'm of course dreading because I don't need someone to give me a hard time. I need to change kids around to the end of this week to accommodate my first appt for Ivf #5. 3. Need to get fingerprinted after work. 4. Need to finish an order, I need a trip to hobby lobby in order to do so. That's all, I guess I'll update after I figure out everything. Yesterday I had my scratch and lit. I also found out I'm extremely allergic to the antiseptic my doctor uses. Not really fun.
My doctor is really excited to try the PRP with us. He doesn't know if we'll be able to do it this coming cycle or not quite yet, he needs to ensure it's safe and all. But he is really excited because he feels it is very much a promising treatment. I am getting excited too. I actually am looking forward to this next cycle, I feel hopeful, I feel like it's going to work soon. I really do. I can't shake that feeling. This makes me feel very confident that we're close. I haven't felt like this since the cycle we did get pregnant. So hopefully 🤞 I guess that's all for now. Now to break everything changing to my job.... Last night, I got a positive Opk at around 10 pm. This is way super early; however, maybe not. AF did arrive 3 days late. So, I normally get a positive Opk CDs 12 or 13, so I'm actually about on time.
Normally, this wouldn't be an issue; however, this is going to cause a lot of chaos and craziness at work. Like me being out on blackout dates, possible retrieval during testing. Like major major issues. But whatever. This needs to come first. They can fire me over it if they'd like. I really don't care much at this point. We'll see what happens. I need to discuss with my manager this coming week. I'll also let my team know. This is almost a full week sooner than expected. I go into the Doctor for scratch and LIT Friday. Getting closer. So, I'm on CD 3, and I've been doing a lot of thinking about everything.
Aside from this, I want to focus on building my business a bit more. I want to do more jewelry, maybe go to a craft fair, new designs, etc. The problem I find right now, as a senior teacher, the first semester really sucks. There's a lot to do to prep for official exams and for spring semester. Lots to do. We'll see. I ordered a few things to start crafting more. So we shall see how it pans out. That's all for now. Plan:
Hopefully doc learns some cool tricks at his conference. Yesterday, I had a good deal of spotting visible from the leaking suppository. I got really excited that that meant AF was surely to be here before bed. Still nothing. Was super sure I'd wake up to AF, nope. Now, I need to have a blood pregnancy test visit at my doctor over a freaking CD 2 visit. That means waiting there for a while and sitting in ridiculous bridge traffic. All I want to do is go to the damn range. I want to go into the doctor, set up a plan and go to the range. Is that so much to ask?! The fact that AF hasn't arrived has me really worried. I'm freaking out that I won't be able to do a few things "on time" and not get to cycle until January. Ugh!!!!! I'm really hoping I can bring the bitch on by a hard workout before I go too the doctor. If not definitely by a long run after.
I guess I'll update after my appointment. FML. Ugh, I'm still waiting. I would just like to move forward and it's rather difficult to do so when AF decides to be extra bitchy and not come on time.
Went for a run, didn't work. Lifted heavy weights, didn't work. Boxed, didn't work. Stayed on my feet most of the day, didn't work. Bitch better show soon. 💁 AF is due technically today. So we wait. Since I was on two forms of progesterone - vaginal and IM shots - I don't have a clue when it's coming. I skipped last night's dose, because I just want AF to get here so I can move on.
I have a lot of questions for the Doctor. I want a plan I feel super solid with going forward. I'm sick of failure, after failure, after failure. We just want a fucking baby. I feel like we have tried almost anything and everything at this point. Since our pregnancy that ended in mc, we have had 5 transfers. Not one took. I have no idea why, or how to fix it. Ideally going forward, I want to do a cycle with HGH in preparation for a fifth fresh cycle. I want to transfer 2 and test the remaining. If that fails, I want to bank and test about 8 embryos to make sure we actually have healthy embryos, and ensure we are only transferring healthy ones. Studies are indicating that if you transfer a normal with an abnormal, they will both be rejected. So if you're going based on sight, it doesn't really mean shit. I also would like to do an ERA, I want to go 100% natural, and I want to be checked for endo. Basically, I want to use the rest of the school year to bank, and summer to transfer. I also want to try using neupagen and possibly humira. And definitely medrol. I cannot keep going through these failures. It's just becoming really difficult to justify moving forward and keeping faith. I took this failure really well, but because I'm used to failing.. Definitely not good. This is the equivalent of 13dpo. However, in my case because I transferred a day after when I normally would've, I'm actually 14dpo now; meaning AF is due tomorrow. Which explains why I woke up really nauseous and with cramps.
Naturally, I peed BFN again. No surprise here, at least I can start to exercise again and just focus on being more healthy than I've been. Not really sure what day I'll be going into the doc. Could be Thursday, Friday, or Saturday.... Hoping he will just let me start an HGH prime for retrieval in Dec and transfer. I'm thinking maybe we can test the remaining embryos and do a few banking and testing rounds so I can start transferring in the summer. Also to make sure we are transferring normal embryos only. Idk, we'll see what he says in a few days I suppose. |
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November 2019
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