I tested today, BFN. So I have no idea if that test from yesterday was just a really bad evap line. It's fine, I think because I already came to terms with this a few days ago. I am taking this really well, it's scary how well I'm taking it.
Honestly, deep down I do know it's going to work. Not sure when, but I feel it's imminent. I think the lap is the way to go, I think a few months off to do supplements and change diet is a huge way to go. I'll probably document my diet change. Basically for three months (my goal), is to eat only animal products with small servings of veggies. I plan to completely cut carbs, and eventually coffee. Basically, I'm looking to implement BEBB, but since I can't have beef, I'll likely look to lamb and pork. Maybe bison, we'll see. I want to start doing yoga. I really want to focus on grounding and centering myself. I want to do 28 days of self reiki. I plan to do a vision board. I can't wait to meet with my doctor and set up a plan, I have an idea of what I want to do, so I basically just want his blessing. This is what we want:
I just really want a break from meds. I'm sick of my hair falling out. Well, that's all for now. Once I meet with my doctor I'll document it. I'll also document when I hit CD 1, which I'm thinking is going to be soon.
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I couldn't decide whether or not to publish this post for a little while. I wrote off this cycle, even stopped taking the PIO - I skipped my dose on 11dpt. I have spotting, and AF like cramping. Honestly, if I didn't wake up to this: I would assume my period is imminent. Obviously I took my shot immediately. I will likely text my doctor about the spotting - that has me slightly concerned. I'm still in shock. I don't know what to make of this, not sure if it will darken, or be a viable pregnancy. It's terrifying because when I got pregnant in June of 2017, I had very very dark lines at this point. So naturally, I'm scared this is not viable/chemical. I guess for today I am pregnant, and I will check again, and again until I go into the doctor. Hell, I'll probably check again in a few hours, and a few hours after that.. UPDATE: I tested again with SMU, BFN. So who knows that is going on. I tested, BFN.
I'll test again Saturday and stop PIO. This was an easy BFN to swallow. Strange. The fact that I've held out without testing is insanity. Normally I'd be testing every damn day since transfer, somehow I haven't really had the desire to do so. Probably because I don't really have faith in this cycle working. I mean, I hope it did, but then I just don't feel anything. So I kind of am just expecting to see BFN, and I'd rather only see one day of a BFN over multiple days of BFNs.
I've been going back and forth between testing at 11dpt or just waiting the extra day to Saturday. I'll probably just wait. Maybe I'll test again on Sunday if Saturday is BFN, then cease medication and go in to see the Doctor on the 2nd of January. I am already prepared with a clear plan of action and hope to have the Doctor sign off on it. My plan is this:
I'm likely going to hold off on posting until I test. So until Saturday. Well, I haven't been updating as there isn't much to update.
I don't feel anything. Like at all. I'm pretty much expecting this cycle to fail, and trying to come up with a plan of action. I set up a consult with Dr. Braverman, and well, that is not until end of Aug 2019. So that really sucks, unless I want to pay $3000 out of pocket to get fast tracked. Likely, not feasible, so I guess we'll just wait. Here are 2 courses of action I am mulling over: 1. Do FET immediately and then just do natural IUI's until May when I can do the HGH prime and move into IVF #6. This way my body gets a break. 2. Do 2 IVF cycles to bank and test embryos so we can move into transferring in June. 3. Request to have a lap done to see if there's other crap going on, then transfer remaining embryo in conjunction with an IUI. If that fails, natural IUIs until prep for IVF #6. I'm really torn because all have their ups and downs. My major issue is, work. My job is really not at all understanding of this. Although I am going to be handing in my resignation upon returning from winter recess, I will still be stuck there until June. I have become so resentful of my job because it is holding me back from just really being able to pursue fertility treatments in the manner that I need to. Fuck this place. Fuck infertility. Less than a week to test. 6 Days. So 9 more days. Man, I haven't really updated. But then again, there really isn't much to update on. I haven't really felt much. I did sleep almost all day today, but I also didn't nap or anything the day before and I didn't go to bed early either.
I had a good amount of cramping the first two days, but today, nothing really since I left church this morning. I really want this to work, but I really wish I was feeling something to let me know it did. My successful cycle, I felt like I got kicked in the uterus every single night. So who knows. DH and I DTD today, probably shouldn't, but couldn't seem to refrain. Oh well, we've abstained the other 8 transfers and didn't get pregnant during 7 of them, so who knows. I've been trying to plot my next course of action is this doesn't take - I know I should hold off on it, but I like having a plan in place. I'm debating if it's best to bank a few rounds and test to make sure the embryos are actually genetically sound, or just keep trucking along. Idk. I guess we'll figure that out. They gave me the 2nd of January to go in for beta, but I'll likely just test at 12dp3dt which is the 29th. Today is transfer day, I'm scared.
I never went into transfer day with so few embryos. I actually had less fertilized than I did in embryo quantity in previous cycles. I don't know what happened this time. I'm trying to remain positive, but it's really hard when you have this drastic drop in a six month period. I have no idea if anything is still even growing. Everything happens for a reason. This I know. So if it's not meant to be our time, then it isn't. But for fucks sake, it's getting tiring going through this constantly. Things were very different this cycle, medications were different, overall attitude was different. I actually felt less stressed during this cycle, than my previous two. I'll update when transfer is complete. UPDATE: 3 embryos at day 3; 2 transferred, 1 frozen. Hoping this is THE one. So, yesterday I didn't get the greatest news, but I didn't get the worst either.
My transfer will be Monday, as of yesterday morning, there was only 3 little embryos growing. If I said I wasn't scared, I'd be straight up lying. I am. I just hope we have at least 1 make it at this point to transfer. 2 would be great, but I'd be happy with 1 - scared, but happy. I'm low key hoping all 3 do, and that they'll just transfer all 3. But time will tell. About 24 hours to be exact. In other news, I started taking CBD oil that is 100% THC free. I swear, I felt instant relief. My digestion yesterday was great, my stomach doesn't feel inflamed, I had lost all build up of gas in my GI tract. I feel great. I even must've lost a lot of the fluids from retrieval because, I peed a lot last night after barely drinking anything. I also met Nacho from food network's Spring Baking Championship. He is super cool, down to earth, and hysterical. Not to mention, everything we had there was freaking amazing. AND you couldn't distinguish the difference between gluten free cake and regular cake. Gluten free cakes tend to have a grittiness to them, these didn't. Omg. And the macaroons had to be the best I've ever had in my life. I truly recommend checking this place out of you are ever in San Antonio. It's called Delice. It's just unbelievable. Esp if you have a gluten sensitivity. Well, that's all for now. I'll update after transfer tomorrow. Today i had my fifth retrieval.
I got called up to see the Doctor after and went into straight panic mode. He called us and the other couple up to let us know if we do a three day transfer he will be out of town, but to give us assurance that his stand in is an amazing Doctor and she used to work with him as a team and was sad when she moved when she got married. I also got 4 eggs, so I got about half of what I normally get, which is slightly disappointing, but as long as they're golden, I'll be OK. I did my trigger last night at 10, just like I was supposed to. One more day to retrieval.
In general, this cycle has had me feeling completely different than in all my other cycles. First off, I've had round the clock dull migraines from day one of stims. Second, my boobs hurt like freaking hell prior to trigger and I haven't even started the progesterone. Third - and likely most important - I feel a super fullness. Now, this last one seems super odd, because I have significantly LESS follicles than ever. I'm hoping these contain the golden eggs we are looking for. This cycle, I had 4 days of merional and merapur. I have never done 4 days of those meds (2 days for each at 150 is per dose). I've also never had both; I've only ever had merional in IVF cycles. I also had one less day of the follitropin alpha 150iu - I've done this 5 days in the past (including higher dose @ 200iu and actually, that was the follitropin beta) - this time only 4 days. So hoping this change was the ticket. Change is usually good, so I have high hopes for this cycle. Just a little nervous my eggs are over mature. |
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November 2019
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