We hit 6 weeks today.
This pregnancy has been rather different from my last one in many ways. For one, I have light spotting/discolored discharge on and off. I also have not had severe cramping, but I also have had an increase in cramping. I have had severe lightheadedness and I am ridiculously ravenous almost all the time. So the lightheadedness and light spotting brought me to my Obgyn. He did a sonogram at 5 weeks 5 days and we saw a yolk sac, I'm assuming a fetal pole (looked like a blob), and saw cardiac activity that my doctor said was a little slow, but it also could be because it just started. He checked all my levels, took another hcg and I have to go back today for another hcg and I go back on Tuesday for another sonogram and to go over all the prenatal stuff. Last time my levels were checked at a little later than now, they dipped a bit which has me kind of scared about this. I just keep hoping and praying all is good and well in there. I plan to ask for my results when I go in to have my blood drawn to have an idea of where I'm at. As far as symptoms go:
Next sonogram is at 6 weeks 4 days. Hoping to see on target growth and on target heart rate. Oh btw it's one little baby. 😍 Hcg from 3/27=22,714, so it's still doubling rapidly. I should get my results from today Tuesday assuming nothing bad to report. I also have low iron and will be on supplements. 🙏🙏🙏🙏Praying this is our rainbow baby finally
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I am 5 weeks today.
This time around, I am a lot more relaxed. I'm not overly sure why, and I just keep hoping it's not because I know something is wrong and it's like a new found coping mechanism. I actually haven't had the urge to test since we got our last beta level. I have been keeping relatively busy at work, we are coming up on where we need to be done with content and just start reviewing. I have also been busy doing things for work at night when I go home, and I have to work Saturday, so it's definitely been a busy time. We have 1 week left until we have our first ultrasound. I am excited, I am nervous, I just hope everything is doing exactly what it is supposed to do for this pregnancy to be successful. I know once a heartbeat is detected, I will feel 100x's better, and 1000x's better when we pass 8 weeks, and 10000x's better when we are safely out of the first trimester. As far as symptoms go, I guess they are on and off - some are mostly on, some come and go which is a little scary. Here is my list with frequency:
Still trying to guess how many babies we may potentially have, some days I lean towards 1, others I lean towards 2. I have been trying to keep really positive this time. I keep reminding myself this: this transfer had every single odd stacked against it, but it worked, so this little soul may actually just want to be born at this point. 🙏🙏🙏 2nd beta is in.
1141.58!!! That's a 35.55 hour doubling time!! We are on the high end for a Singleton and right smack in the middle of twins. It really is a guessing game now 😂 Next appt is the 29th for first ultrasound. Drum roll 🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁
BFP!! 280.4. I go back Tuesday for a second beta, hoping for nothing but good news and this is our rainbow THB 🌈. I'm still in shock and it hasn't set in yet. But then again, I think I'm afraid to really embrace it. I'll feel better once I know the numbers tripled. Today I am 10dp3dt.
I still have not tested. As crazy as that likely sounds, I still haven't. I'm just going to wait till I get the results from the doctor Saturday. There's no point. Why do I need to see multiple negatives or stress myself over the lines? As far as what I am feeling, this is the list:
What I want to do next:
I'm also excited because I'm April (on my deceased aunt's birthday), I'm going to start with a spiritual coach. I want to document it on a sub topic on my blog. I am so excited for this because I know I need it. I've worked with this lady before for development, and it helped me immensely at the time. I've also been working with her since she got her start and she has grown immensely in her gifts. After this, I want to get my reiki teacher certification and start teaching reiki. So I have big plans in the works. I just need to heal and clear myself out. RANT:
Why, without fail, do I always get a fucking pregnancy announcement thrown at me during a cycle?!?! Why?!? Like wtf did I ever do to deserve this?? My morning was great. I was in a great mood, went for a walk, was jamming out, super excited to try a new restaurant tonight. All that came to a halt when I approached the intersection on my way home from my walk. My BIL and SIL are apparently pregnant again. Because, when you are getting divorced and getting police involved the very logical thing is to get knocked up. Yup. There went my good mood. I hyperventilated, then sprinted the last .3 mi home and cried. Like I can't. I'm going to assume this cycle failed because these things almost always come around my BFNs. I'm already having a hard time with this transfer because if it fails, I find out the day before my angel baby's due date. So already, I already have a nice recipe for disaster. I have absolutely no one to talk to about this and that is making it so much worse. If I talk to my mom or dad, I'll be judged and called bitter and shit. My husband can't handle me right now without getting pissy. Like I can't. I'll just got sit in a corner and continue to cry now. Today is 5dp3dt. Aside from some cramping and pressure I feel - especially while laying down, I don't feel much. I have woken up with a weird taste in my mouth yesterday and today. No idea how to describe it. But I guess like when you're getting sick and you get this weird taste?
I've been really going about my life this cycle. I've had wine a couple nights, I've been at work, I accidentally made plans to go to the range (might be canceling though because I forgot that we transferred), I've been moving around quite a bit, I've had raspas and ice cream. I really have just went about my life this past transfer. I really have no idea how I reached this very nonchalant attitude. I'm thinking that once you hit 10 transfers, you just feel very whatever about it. I don't even plan to test early honestly. I may very well just wait till OTD (which I'm moving up till the Saturday before the Monday they want me to come in because I don't feel like taking off work that day). This would be a complete first for me. I have never waited till OTD, but this time I will. I have my plans for if it failed hammered down. The only thing up in the air is requesting a completely natural iui in April. Aside from that, it's all about losing around 20-30lbs. I want to lose all this hormone induced weight. I'm sick of having all this excess fat in my midsection. I've never been heavy like this before, and I'm not about to let it go on. So that's that Not sure if it's from the fact this is our 10th transfer (yes, we're now in double digits), or the fact it's frozen so the chance is lower, but I have forgotten we done a transfer. Like it legit just feels like another day.
I really haven't felt much - last night some cramping, but I think it was tied to stomach cramps as I had two BM's at like midnight - not really happy that I lost sleep for that. I'm OK if this doesn't work. Obviously I want it to, but I'm ok if it takes one more round to get to success. I have a personal plan of action and goal in place if it fails. I know I'm going to focus on losing weight without the constant intake of hormones. And just wait until June when I'm free to do this again. It's all going to be good. Today is Ash Wednesday. Every year, I give up sweets for lent; however, this year, I am adding into that mix chips. IVF cycles are likely not the best/most ideal time to give stuff up, but it is what it is.
On the IVF front, not much really to report. I went back to work today and immediately regretted that decision. Between a rude ass manager, and just craziness as Spring Break is upon us, I just wish I stayed home the extra day. Have I mentioned that since I have given my resignation that my ratings have plummeted? I am calling my association today to start that legal paper work, I am just beyond fed up. I really am one smirk away from completely flipping at this cunt. I am counting down the days until I am free. There isn't many left thank God, only 87 - that includes weekends and Spring Break. IF I take all those days out, I am down to only 56 days left of hell. Once I'm free, I can actually focus on my fertility treatments and my husband. I truly cannot wait. Yesterday was my transfer. I don't think it went well, but I'm assuming something went in because I had cramping for a bit after transfer. I ate and passed out at home. Woke up, watched some comedy specials on Netflix, and passed out again.
My hopes aren't high - I want them to be, but I know that it's a long shot. I'd feel much more confident if it was a fresh cycle. I can't even see the little embryo (that hopefully could) in the sonogram they gave me. Then again, really, until like Friday or Saturday, I likely won't start to feel anything. |
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November 2019
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