So, I surged early again this cycle. So that's two in a row. No idea why. My CD 2 will be the 21st. Excited to get closer to this. I feel positive. I'm somewhat hopeful, but scared. I guess time will tell.
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I have really not been paying attention this cycle. I get a cycle off and I run with that shit!
Hysteroscopy number three is about a week and some away, definitely excited about it because: my doctor can do the scratch with me knocked out and probably have a much easier time. So that's that with fertility stuff. I have been eating healthy. I got rid of all the sugar sweets and made my Paleo treats! My goodness, what a difference I feel. I still haven't stepped on the scale though, and I likely won't for another week. I want my body to have diet time under my belt before I do so. I also ordered maple sugar (sugar made from maple sap) which can be used 1:1 in recipes for granulated sugar. I have 3 recipes that I plan to test out over the next two days. We also ordered an ice cream maker. This I am super excited about because the last time we purchased a thing of ice cream, I was flabbergasted over the ingredients and just see chemicals when I look at it - in reality, this is how I look at most food now. So I'm really happy to make real ice cream with REAL ingredients 🍦 🍨. I can't believe that half the shit on the shelves is legal. My summer vacation is almost over 😭. I'm not quite ready to go back. I haven't even gotten crap to decorate my classroom, and have zero motivation to do so. My heart isn't in it anymore. I just feel that it detracts time from our attempts at having a baby, leading to minor to moderate resentment. One more year and I'm out. I can get through one more, after that I really can't do this anymore. I just feel "dirty", like I can't have integrity as a teacher. I'm forced to say "x kid is ready for college", even though they failed my class three times and admin overrode it. So I said they weren't, but that was changed by someone else. I just can't have a soul or moral compass anymore and do this job. I know it isn't where I'm at, I've seen this in multiple districts. This is why college graduation rates are dropping. Even my college, which used to have a 98% graduation rate, is at 80 something now. They also aren't selective like they used to be. Getting into that school used to mean something, now it may as well be a state college. It's like there's no reward for working hard anymore for these kids. Colleges aren't selective because kids can't hack it from lack of preparation, and kids that don't deserve to pass, magically pass without teacher approval. Where is the incentive to do well anymore?!? The public school system took it away. And it's getting worse. It's actually getting worse than when I got into this 10 years ago. And even then I thought how much education declined from the time I graduated high school, 3 years before stepping into a classroom. How is this even possible?! OK, ending rant. This post just went everywhere. Obviously I have a lot on my mind 😂. |
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November 2019
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