I'm so glad we are still here. I can't believe it's 30 Weeks.
My cervix is holding steady!!! I am beyond excited to say that. I'm a little concerned about the amniotic fluid level of 8.8cm, but that's probably just me being overly concerned. I am getting really excited about meeting my little one. I definitely feel a change in the types of movements, and have noticed a lot of activity after I eat. It's pretty neat watching her do practice breathing on the ultrasound. I have a growth scan in about 2 weeks, and biweekly NSTs - which have been kind of cool to see. No contractions at all on those (YAY!). I have two more weeks until my next goal, and 4 weeks until the minimum ultimate goal. Of course I'm hoping to at least get to 36 or 37 weeks. I figure in about 2-4 weeks I can start moving around and get completely off the modified bed rest. 2 weeks until 32 weeks 4 weeks until minimum goal 6 - 7 weeks till ultimate goal Almost there! 🙏 🤞 🌈
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It's been a rough couple of weeks. Nothing really regarding pregnancy, but more so the stress and strife caused by my mother.
I'm not even fully sure where to begin, I feel like years of therapy wouldn't even know where to begin. I guess I will preface this with a few points:
First and foremost, my entire life, wasI told how we don't believe in baby showers, they're jinxing, etc. Well, apparently that is no longer the case. And with that, I am being forced into a shower I have (repeatedly) made clear I do not want. Why, you ask wouldn't I want this very helpful shindig? Let me tell you! Remember how I said wedding planning was a horrific nightmare?? Well, this is the sequel. My hubby and I did our due diligence in research, asked around to friends that have kids (especially those who underwent fertility treatments to have them) when it came to picking things out. Anything, and everything, on that registry were things we had intended/planned on purchasing ourselves. Well, I have faced nothing shy of constant criticism and backlash over what I put on there. To the point that I have said I didn't want this shower, you forced me into it, and then have an issue with what we were planning to buy on our own. (But wait, it gets better) I then explained (yet again) that we picked x item because of ABC safe sleep, and we are not willing to compromise when it comes to safety. THEN, my mother constantly goes well Jane* (name changed for anonymity) said blah blah blah. Who is Jane you might ask? And why does Jane's opinion frustrate and bother you so much? Jane is a daughter of a friend of the family who got knocked up at 18, unplanned, not even done with school. A kid. I found this out right after my first medicated cycle was a fail. I'm not trying to offend anyone, but kids don't really research things like adults do. Especially not adults who have been thru the ringer (feeling like they went 10 rounds with Ali) trying to have kids. I find it incredibly irksome that my mother takes the word of a fucking teenager, over scientists, doctors, and adults twice her age. I finally had enough, and blurted out: I don't give a fuck about what Jane says. Why are you taking the word of a kid over everything else and treating it as the holy Grail?? She then proceeds to go off on what a terrible person I am, and how I've been resentful of her since she got pregnant yadda yadda yadda. Have I been? You're damn right. I was in a horrible state of depression for a long time. I will never deny that. But if you know that's how I feel, why would you continue to do that to me? (oh, but wait, there's even more) When I brought up the topic of safe sleep, and items that I didn't want due to that, you know the constant response I heard for the last 3 weeks: YOU'RE BEING NEUROTIC! Are you f-ing kidding me??? That's you're only argument? An attack on character??? Seriously?? (and, there's even more) She tries to invite herself to my doctor's appointments. I'm like, I'm hooked up to a machine in a room alone, there's no point. "But Jane's mother was allowed to go with her!" seriously??? (yup, more) Then she tries to invite herself into the delivery room. (I have already told her that only my husband will be with me) I remind her that it will just be DH and I, and after birth they do not allow anyone in for two hours for skin to skin, then they take the baby to get a full check up with DH in tow. She further pushes, I say that it is a really personal moment and should be a private moment shared between DH and I. Her response: then I'm not coming down so you can have all the privacy you want. In my head, I'm all bye Felicia 👋. THEN, she stomps around my house like a toddler throwing a tantrum. I am so beyond disgusted with how my mother acts. I am also so incredibly hurt by how much she attacked my character and my being for the last 3 weeks. I have cried almost daily, and have fantasized about dying. What should be such a truly incredible and happy moment in my life, has been a nightmare. I really wish I had a mother who wasn't so toxic towards me. I have a really huge and real concern that her coming to visit after baby is born will cause me to suffer PPD. I feel so bad for my dad, because I don't want them here because of her and her actions and he gets caught in the crossfire. I guess that's all. I really needed to get this out. In the last week before the final stretch.
Nothing too much to report. Baby likes to scare mommy a bit. Earlier this week, I went to the hospital twice for decreased fetal movement, then she was back to her normal self. Then yesterday decides to have a somewhat quiet day. She also thinks it's funny to take her sweet time during kick counts, then throws a party the minute I stop the counter. 😖 I'm still iron deficient, so now I'm taking a third pill a day. I really hope my iron levels go back up because this is insane and difficult. I set up a registry, did a lot of research on mattresses and car seats. As far as symptoms go, it's still pretty consistent. I'm tired, hungry, achy. That's pretty much it. 3 weeks until next goal of 32 weeks 6 weeks until 35 weeks 8 weeks until 37 weeks 🙏 🤞 🌈 Hello third trimester!!
We reached our first mini "goal"!!! 🎉🎉🎉 This is really exciting. We're almost there! There's nothing really too much to report. I passed my 1 hour glucose test, my cervix held the same (I have one more check in two weeks), and baby looks good and is estimated at 2.5 lbs. This coming week, I start weekly NSTs at my Obgyn. We really need to start looking into birthing classes. Well, kinda. I'm really on the fence about taking any. The only two things that I really need info on are: infant and toddler CPR (I'm only certified for adults), and breastfeeding/pumping. I really don't need anyone to tell me how to breathe, and I feel like all that shit will go out the window once you're actually in labor. PLUS, in reality, I don't want to get attached to a "birth plan" because, I really am leaving it up to the doctors. Anything can happen at any given time, and I don't want to be an idiot about it. If the baby is displaying signs of distress, I want them to intervene to help her. At the end of the day, I don't care about me. Ideally, I would love to go natural and vaginal, but if I need a cesarean, then I'll take the spinal block so I can see baby when she's born. Aside from that, I'm really really really open. I guess that's really all. My symptoms have pretty much stayed steady, add in horrible back pain, that I'm starting to think is sciatica. 4 weeks until goal of 32 weeks 6 weeks until goal of 34 weeks 8 weeks until 36 weeks (nurse told me baby will be fine at this gestational age, but 37 is better) 9 until 37 weeks 🙏 🤞 🌈 I just really need to get this out.
There are two types of women who battle thru infertility and become pregnant:
At this moment:
I cannot for the life of me, comprehend WHY if you dealt with infertility, you need to constantly post about pregnancy. Every.damn.Day. And multiple times a day. I'm no longer dealing with infertility, but I actually have had to stop following people due to an overload of tmi and daily bump shots. I can only imagine how it's hurting other people who are still struggling. Omfg I can't with people anymore. The end. We are in the last week of the second trimester, and a week away from my first mini "goal". Yay! 🎉
So, in a week and a half I start weekly NSTs with my Obgyn. I also have my growth scan in a few days with my MFM. I'm really excited to see how big baby girl got. I'm still on bed rest. Only a few more weeks left of it. My Obgyn seems to think we'll likely deliver early and went over when I would get strep b test and another steroid shot. Our overall goal is at least 34 weeks or later. And that's all for now. 1 week until 2nd trimester 5 weeks until 32 weeks 7 weeks until ultimate goal 10 weeks until term 🙏 🤞 🌈 Well here we are. Even when at times, I didn't think we'd make it.
I feel like time is going super fast and super at the same time. I had my MFM appointment yesterday, my normal doctor was out, so I saw another one. My cervix held steady at 2.3cm, no signs of funneling, which is a really good thing. This Doctor wants me to stay as "horizontal as possible" to take pressure off the cervix for the next 4-5 weeks. Done. You don't gotta tell me twice. I would drink snake blood and dance naked under the full moon if you told me it would keep my baby in until 35+ weeks. As far as symptoms go; it's still really about the same. Here are my add-ons:
I had to reschedule my glucose test because the steroids can give a false positive, so that will be this coming week. I am so grateful that we are almost out of the second trimester and at our first goal of 28 weeks. 2 weeks until 2nd tri 6 weeks until 32 weeks 9 weeks until 35 weeks 11 weeks until 37 weeks 🙏 🤞 🌈 PS, did I mention it's almost time for pumpkin everything?!? 🎃 There seems to be sweet and sour.
I'm happy to be at 25 weeks; however, yesterday I was admitted to the hospital due to signs of possible preterm labor. Now, my cervix measurement went up a bit to 3cm, baby is measuring ahead at 25+5 with an estimated weight of 1.93 lbs. These are good things. I'm placed on medication to stop contractions, which luckily has been doing its job, and have received the steroids to help speed up lung function. Machine says baby is doing good. I really just want this girl to stay put until late Oct at the ABSOLUTE earliest. Symptoms are pretty much the same as last week, main difference is I'm really starting to feel the internal movements which is really exciting. Hoping my cervix shows no signs of changing or funneling at next appt with MFM next week and that I don't have gestational diabetes - which I'm also testing for next week. That is all. 3 weeks until third trimester. 🙏 🤞 🌈. Viability. Granted, I really don't want to see this little girl until Nov, but I'm happy to finally cross this threshold.
So, this will be a really short post, baby is good! Moving up a storm - I absolutely adore every second of it. Good news: baby is good. She is measuring ahead and is estimated at 1lb 10oz. Not so good news: cervix is down to 2.3cm. Symptoms:
4 weeks until the third trimester!! 🙏 🤞 🌈 We are 23 weeks today!! We are only 1 week from viability!!!
I am so happy to be here. My cervix has been staying at 3cm+ so that's great! My Obgyn told me I can have reduced restrictions if at 24 weeks (next week 🙌), my cervix is still above 3cm! I will still really take it easy until 28 weeks or so, but yay!! My belly is starting to get really round from the front view, I'm very noticeably pregnant and I love it. Symptoms:
1 week to viability!! That's only 7 more days!! 5 weeks until the third trimester!! 🙏 🤞 🌈 |
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November 2019
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