It's one day til blood draw and I didn't bother testing today, yesterday's test was still negative; BFN 6, BFP 0. I sometimes wish I didn't test so I could be blissfully ignorant, but then again, better to not be blindsided.
In any event, there will be a semi long break between now and June when we will go again and do fresh IVF #2. In the interim, I'm going to be trying the circle + bloom natural conception to at least try to calm myself and then will try the one for IVF during our next cycle. I also want to try to implement the supplements that are mentioned in Rebecca Fett's book (It Starts With the Egg), and I'll be doing acupuncture again. Tho, this time I'm going to push to do it during the 2WW, as I really felt like I should've this round, but did not. Part of me is really dreaming I'm that exception to the rule of both, failed HPT but positive beta, and fall pregnant naturally after/before treatment, respectfully. A girl can dream right? It would really be nice,especially after my dream of a one and done IVF-er failed. I guess as much as this hurts, I've reached the point that I just expect to fail so it doesn't hurt as much, I'm so used to being disappointed, it's been officially 42 cycles that I've tracked and that doesn't even include the 4 I didn't when we were all if it happens it happens. Super naive. So I guess, 46 total. And from what I'm hearing, my cycles may very well go haywire after I stop meds this time, which is rather nerve wrecking. That's really been the one thing I could count on-regularity with AF, like clockwork, every cycle. 28 days and bleeding before the start of 5th period. I guess I can finally say it gets easier when you're just so used to disappointment. Or maybe it's a numbness? I just expect to fail. I broke the news to my parents that we will not be coming back to visit this summer, my parents kind of get it, but not entirely. They struggled 7 years with IF, did not do the whole IVF thing tho, it was just invented. So they get the heartbreak, but not truly, they had a happy ending, we're still in limbo of it may never happen.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. Archives
November 2019
Categories |