This morning's test was stark white. So, chemical pregnancy. I'm OK tho. I honestly wouldn't have known if I wasn't on this diet that we were even pregnant. However, I don't understand why my body can't seem to hold onto a baby. I'm debating whether or not to bring this up to my RE when we see him at the end of the week.
In addition, I'm also 100x's more anxious for my doctor's appointment tomorrow now since I have a second loss under my belt. Now I am legitimately worried there's a generic issue, I honestly wasn't before. I'm also left wondering if my new workout routine caused me to miscarry. So, I'm of course, again, blaming myself for this. I knew it was positive, yet, I continued to do moderate to high intensity exercise. I continued to be on this diet knowing it was positive; but at the same time, I would've never known if it wasn't for coming up on a cleanse day. What I can say? For whatever reason, I was supposed to know we got pregnant; it really sucks to lose it, again, less than 2 months after our first baby grew wings, but I guess it's good to know? Who knows. I really thought this was our rainbow, I was cautiously excited - I really thought the hurdle would've been getting past 8 weeks, not 12dpo. It's nice to know we can conceive on our own, but now I really worry about my levels - specifically, progesterone. We're they not high enough? Did I cause the baby issues implanting? Did I do something wrong? Was my lining not good enough? Did my body straight up attack the baby? I'm glad to know we can get pregnant, but I want our baby to make it to our arms and grow with us.
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November 2019
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