I go into the doc today. I'm not really sure what to expect since this is my first time doing an FET this way.
I'm noticing that I feel really numb to this cycle. Not sure if I just have a lot on my work plate and I'm distracted, or if I'm just trying to protect myself from being hurt again. Today marks one month till my due date. Idk if I can handle reaching that without being pregnant. I'm noticing lately that I am feeling more and more ready to give up. I'm not sure if I can keep doing this. If I didn't have a job, it would be easier - that I know. I think it's much harder to be doing this while working, at least as a teacher. I have one class this year that is terrible; every damn day I have to yell, and get agitated like a lunatic. I have never had this before, it sucks. It's not that I dislike the kids as individuals, it's just a mess of a class due to certain student groupings. I feel like sometimes it puts too much stress on my body, and the result is that my body cannot handle it. I miscarried twice this school year alone: 1, right before it started, 2, the second month of school. I just so badly want a child. I know our next step is PGD on the embryos; however, I wonder if I can bank them? I just hope we don't have to get to that step. I just want this step to frigging work. I feel like we deserve a THB already. I'm actually shocked that I didn't get pregnant again, I wasn't expecting to not get pregnant quickly after the two miscarriages; it's been about 5 months. I've had LIT and I'm on prednisone, I don't get it. My mom struggled 5/6 years to get pregnant, miscarried, got pregnant right away with me, miscarried, had my sister; I mean, once she did get pregnant it was quick. Why am I not having this luck? I don't get it. In any event, thanks for listening to my rant, I'll update post doc visit. UPDATE: I trigger today, start PIO tomorrow, and transfer Friday Lining was 9mm and I had one follicle measuring 20mm. 🤞🙏🤞🙏🤞🙏🤞🙏
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November 2019
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