This morning I go in for my check for this transfer. I read the doc won't be in till 10, but I can't wait around all day, so I guess I'll see the nurse.
I had a shitty weekend. Shitty feelings, shitty everything. I'm so sick of watching other people fall pregnant easily and never experience infertility or mc. Not that I wish it on people, but like wtf. It's just not fair. I had to experience both and then go on to have zero success to this point. In fact, I don't even WANT to transfer, because I can't handle another failure. It's bad. Like I want to call it off because the idea of failing again completely guts me. I don't know what the answer is. I've had two back to back cancelled FETs, so I fear this being cancelled again. I've also had zero success in over a year since my mc. I never in a million years thought I would not have success in over a year after the mc. I truly frigging believed that it would happen quickly; that we'd conceive our rainbow baby quickly. Why am I at the over a year mark and have NOTHING to show for it besides crippling depression and broken dreams? Why?! How?!?!! 3 transfers of 7 embryos and not a damn thing. All I want is to have children. That is all I've ever wanted. I feel so broken and just overall like a failure. I'll update with the next steps.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. Archives
November 2019
Categories |