Well, yet another pregnancy announcement. Oh and guess what? They got it on the first fucking try. This just set me over the edge today. I've been borderline suicidal for a couple weeks now, but this just pushed me to where I'm fantasizing about death and the pain just finally stopping.
I just can't anymore. I feel completely defeated and completely worthless. My body repeatedly fails me. Every. Single. Time. I just want the pain to stop. I'm actually considering getting medicated, but apparently it can decrease fertility, so it's likely best I don't. I've spent the entire day crying. I just cannot handle this shit anymore. Like bitch you fucking knew we had back to back miscarriages after multiple ivf attempts and you want to fucking bring this shit up on Christmas?! One that I'm already having a very very difficult time with?!? Fuck 2017. Like seriously fuck it. This has been the absolute worse year of my life. Hands down. My birthday was ruined by a pregnancy announcement, and now my Christmas. I'm done. I'm just going to completely isolate myself from everyone for the next few months. Fuck this shit. I'm sick and tired with dealing with infertility. I'm sick of being on forced breaks. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of constantly having my body fail me. I'm sick of crying myself to sleep most nights. Fuck this. 2018, you better be a better year.
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November 2019
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